Friday, May 17, 2013

Tendulkar breaks yet another record - 28,998 groin flexes in 1,611 matches!

Wild celebrations broke out in the streets of Mumbai when the BCCI declared today that Sachin Tendulkar is now the official record holder for the most number of groin flexes in all forms of cricket.

BCCI spokesperson Jagdish Pawar declared at a hurriedly convened press conference that the veteran batsman has now surpassed an earlier record set by former Haryana cricketer Harvinder Singh. Tendulkar achieved this feat on 13th May 2013 while playing against the Sunrisers in IPL 6.

Sachin, scolding the photographer
for clicking his photos
The master blaster, who has played 1611 matches so far in international, domestic and county formats, has reportedly flexed his groin for a staggering 28,998 times since his mercurial first class debut in the 1988/89 season. The previous record holder Harvinder Singh played just 31 first class matches spanning just two seasons in 1978-79 in his entire career, but was known to be suffering from bad case of shingles which enabled him to set the record in a short period of time. Given the extreme hygiene standards of modern cricket, and the advances of modern medicine, cricket fans were sure that Harvinder's record was  never going to be broken, until Sachin came along and proved them wrong.

Speaking to the press, Mr.Pawar congratulated the Mumbai Indians batsman and said, "We just got a call from the ICC about this record. Unfortunately, due to a technical glitch, this record went unnoticed until the spotfixing episode came to light. ICC and BCCI were routinely searching for interesting news since the cricket fans were bored with the spotfixing scandal already and discovered that this matter of global importance went unannounced. Hence this urgent press conference."

Tendulkar, who was practicing in the nets for Mumbai Indians' next match with Punjab on May 18th, was half way through yet another glorious groin flex when someone whispered this news to him in the ear. Immediately, he was seen leaving the nets red faced, no doubt with tremendous excitement and probably wanting to celebrate the new record with his family.

Mr.Harvinder Singh, who could never marry due to his condition, said, "I'm glad it was Sachin who broke my record because whenever I saw him flex his groin and reach down to adjust his you-know-what, it always reminded me of my best days. I think, among all the cricketers, Sachin is the one who resembles me the closest."

Speaking later on phone to this correspondent, the BCCI President N Srinivasan excitedly declared, "We all know that Sachin was universally regarded as the God of Cricket until about 2011 after which his divinity is somewhat diminished due to his refusal to retire gracefully. However, I reiterate that it is a matter of enormous pride to the Board and all Indians that he can now be called the Guard of Cricket because of this record". Upon further questioning, he explained, "'Guard' because, you know, the groin flex is aimed to adjust the guard he is wearing. A 'guard' is you know, that little plastic cap a batsman wears to, you know, protect his 'box'.  What is a 'box'? Box, you don't know? The crown jewels? The.. the... Wait I'm getting another call. I'll call you back please. Thank you!" We are yet to hear back from him at the time of going to press. We promise to explain what a box is, as soon as we hear from Mr.Srinivasan.

Update: Arvind Kejriwal, the supremo of AAP, meanwhile issued a statement that this was just a diversionary tactic by the BCCI to put the spotfixing scandal out of the news cycle. No one but this correspondent attended that press conference.

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