Saturday, May 18, 2013

Israel and Iran form an alliance to stop Obama

Binyamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, just finished addressing a dramatic joint press conference that announced an alliance to stop Obama from infecting the middle eastern region with his bad luck. It will be an understatement to say that the alliance was least expected at this point of time. Due to constraints of time and distance, a stressed looking Netanyahu and a sleepy Ahmadinejad appeared through a video conference link to address the press.

The alliance seems to be a direct fallout of CIA chief John Brennan's unannounced visit to Israel. Explaining the reasons behind this mind-numbing decision to ally with his archenemy, Mr.Netanyahu said, "This morning, I was severely concerned to know that Obama was interested in the middle east again and wants to resolve the Syria situation. Obama is just bad luck. See how his second term is marred  with ill luck on issues like Benghazi, IRS, AP etc. Even no-brainers like gun control are blocked just because Obama is involved in them. I think this man is just a bad omen, like Friday the 13th. For me it was a clear red line. The only way to stop this catastrophe from jeopardizing Israel's future is to find peace urgently and resolve all our outstanding issues before Obama gets a chance to spoil them forever. Hence, I woke up Mr.Ahmadinejad from his afternoon siesta and offered the olive branch to him."

Ahmadinejad didn't have much to say throughout the conference except an occasional reminder to Netanyahu to send the promised olive branch as soon as possible for keepsakes. When asked a direct question about the implications of the alliance for Iran, he said, "I support Mr.Netanyahu, of course. I hope he visits Iran soon. We'd really like to have him over here. We won't do any harm to him. Just come here once. Just once. Ok? Trust me, you'll be totally safe. Bring your Army chief along."

Netanyahu could be heard instructing his staff to contact the Hamas, Hezbollah and the Lebanese Government immediately after the press conference. Speculation was rife that Bashar Al-Assad and the Syrian rebels were next on his calling list.

Reacting to Netanyahu's efforts to resolve all the outstanding middle eastern conflicts within 24 hours, the White House spokesperson Jay Carney began defending Obama's record before being interrupted by breaking news that a bucketful of paint fell on the First Lady, Michelle Obama. She was reportedly livid with herself for seeing the President's face first thing today morning, and requested Christine O'Donnell for a voodoo cleansing ritual at the White House immediately.

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