Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sreesanth sides with Capitalism, even though he is from Kerala

Communists from the left-leaning state of Kerala were caught off guard to know that their poster boy Santhakumaran Sreesanth has revolted against Malayali values and fully embraced free market capitalism. In a surprise development, the Marine Drive Police announced last night that Sreesanth has joined the likes of Dhirubhai Ambani and Vijay Mallya by making his cricketing performance available in the market for the highest bidder.

Sreesanth addressing the Press
In response to the news, Sreesanth released a statement that read, 'Cricket should be liberated from the chains of the Victorian laws of the 18th century. If team owners can bid for making me a part of their team, the bookies should also be allowed to bid for my performance on each ball. The highest bidder gets to tell me how to bowl, because that's the only way free market works - demand and supply. I hope more people join me in the revolution, and we will finally be free from the Government and the moth-eaten morality of old people like Dravid, Laxman and Gilchrist.'

Chandila and Chavan, two lowly underlings who joined Sreesanth in his revolt issued a joint statement - 'Even the guy who sells nimbu-mirchi at traffic signals in Mumbai makes more money than us. Anyway, this business is in the name of our respective mothers. We even gave the receipts with their signatures and PAN numbers. If you want, go check with them.'

Chavan called this correspondent 6-7 times before we finally returned his call. He was desperate to get this quote published since nobody in the team knows he exists. His quote: 'I also need fair compensation for my talents. If Shilpa Shetty agrees to give me a season pass on local trains in Mumbai, I may consider withdrawing from the revolt. (sic)'

Later in the night, the Police arrested all the three for running a business in Mumbai without Shop and Establishment certificate and refusing to pay LBT. Sreesanth was seen wearing a T-shirt that said 'Ayn Rand Rules' at the time of the arrest.

Reacting to the swift developments, old guard Sachin Tendulkar said, 'Only I can decide when to retire from cricket. I'll try to do my job and you do yours. By the way, for my comfort on cricket field, I use Rocket brand vests and briefs. Now, you go get it.'

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