Tuesday, May 28, 2013

BMC Bans Sex With Immediate Effect

To prevent sex crimes and other forms of indecent behavior in Mumbai, the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) has issued a circular today banning all forms of sex with immediate effect. This follows their move to ban lingerie-wearing mannequins yesterday.

After careful introspection and responding to the wild public reaction to the mannequin ban, the BMC has today decided to put an end to sex crimes once for all by addressing the root causes directly, instead of beating around the bu.... er... we mean, beating around the shrubbery. 

Releasing a statement to the press, Sunil Prabhu, the Mayor of Mumbai said, "See, there are just two root causes of sex crimes. One is 'crime'. The other is 'sex'. 'Crime' is already banned by law, and the Central Government and the State Government led by the Congress Party have totally failed in implementing that ban. So, we at BMC have decided to ban the other root cause and put a stop to this plague hurting our society in Mumbai. Oh, by the way, let me add this statutory declaration mandated by a BMC circular: The immigrants from UP and Bihar are to blame for any past, present or future untoward incident in Mumbai, whether or not connected to this announcement."

Legal experts say that the wording of the circular implies that even legitimate marital intercourse is illegal henceforth, which may be unconstitutional. However, the BMC countered by saying that all kinds of intercourse is British legacy in India and therefore deserves to be chucked out of the Constitution. BMC has plans to launch a 'Kunti Shishu Dan" scheme for couples to conceive henceforth.

While most senior citizens have hailed the move as 'progressive', the younger generation is too baffled to respond. There is expected to be a high-tension, no-holds barred debate about this on Times Now tonight, with at least 16 windows populated by 15 high-decibel human beings and Suhel Seth.

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