Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Love Story 2050

'Amion Nerzel 21' cruised slowly across the solar system and X430, the sole occupant of the space ship gazed lazily across the rather dull spectacle of stars and the distant Sun. X430 had been sitting on his chair in the same position for 4 months now (measurement as per earth time) and with his seventh leg (counted from the right) hinting an oncoming cramp, he slightly shifted position. While he was moving the massive labyrinth of limbs, he suddenly spotted the blue planet in the distance.
"Finally" he said to himself and turned on the latest Inter-Galactic Dradio to talk to his base station. "I can see it", he screamed excitedly into its mike and waited for an answer. Within fifteen days (earth measurement again!), there was a reply, "This is AV786N, the President!" AV786N was also broadcasting his speech across a few galaxies and never the one to shy an opportunity, started to make an improptu speech. "We are all eagerly standing by for your report ever since you left. The defining moment for our great galaxy NB6541165 has come! And under my Presidency we shall achieve new heights in inter-galactical diplomacy, space exploration and long distance tourism! The rival galaxies and their minions shall wither under our superior accomplishments now! Go on X430! Explore this wonderful planet where people have only four limbs and can think 819,999,003.31 (approx.) times faster than us !! Create history by being the first alien to land on the planet that was mentioned in our holy books millions of years ago; the planet that Gods themselves made for the most intelligent form of life in the Universe - the planet of Human beings!"
'Big deal!' thought X430, though he said aloud "Oh, sure! All right". X430 pushed a lever and moved the ship forward. He was disgruntled that AV786N was claiming credit for his pet project. The earth exploration project was no small feat! Between the two rival blocs of galaxies led by the United Planets of Azmerzrika and the Union of So-So Wet Planets, there has always been a rivalry for galactical expeditions. And with So-So Wets beating Azmerzrikans at the milky way expedition, the earth project became that much important. And X430 single-handedly (just a figure of speech - he actually used all his twenty three hands) built a ship that could get that far, land and also come back on just four litres of mixed fruit juice as fuel.
As he neared the dark side of the blue planet, X430 could see a brightly lit up mass of land with a few pretty islands in the North-Westerly direction. He decided to explore the islands first and descended slowly above the mountains dotting the landscape. He hovered over a farm with a barn, but saw nothing interesting so he moved on to a row of pretty houses. He saw a biped through the kitchen room window, sitting on a table eating boiled meat. By the description given in the holy books, he appeared to be a Man. Another biped was upstairs, cleaning a room and a smaller biped was gazing out of the window. Using his ready reference guide, he identified them to be of female gender.
X430 selected this particular earth Man in the kitchen for the first communication from his galaxy, but decided to maintain a safe distance, lest the famed superiorly intelligent planet-beings start attacking him. He stopped his spaceship mid-air and started transmitting a message of utmost courtesy and respect to the man through the Dradio on his control panel. He waited for a response, but there was none. The man finished his meal and went to sleep.
X430 was perplexed and thought it rather rude that the man ignored him totally. He landed the ship on the mountains and took a brief nap. Fifteen days later (measurement as per earth time standards; how many times do I have to tell you, silly!) he woke up refreshed and started transmitting the message again. No response! X430 didn't know what to do. So he took a nap again. He woke up determined to establish communication with this particularly arrogant specimen. He repeated his schedule of transmission and naps two hundred and thirty three times, trying Dradio waves of all shapes, colours, sizes and graphs known to the Universe. But the man ignored all his friendly advances and went on with his life, never once raising his head to look at the space ship standing a mile within his window.
On the two hundred and thirty fourth try, X430 was finally able to see hope when the man looked up from his meal and a flicker of interest lighted up his eyes. The Man had changed a lot since X430 had come to Earth. His hair grayed, his moustache was now longer. The daughter's room is no longer occupied. But for X430, these were all just minor changes. And now, he was finally happy that the Man took notice of his presence. He excitedly lit up all the lights in the space ship to catch the Man's attention.
For a short while nothing happened. Then the Man vanished from the kitched hurriedly. X430 was now totally excited and waited for something to happen. May be he understood the Dradio message and now he will organize a welcome party! 'Fame, atlast' thought X430 and the headrush the thought gave him made him sit down for a few minutes (measured as per earth time, just in case you forgot) . Then suddenly a car with bright lights and a shrill siren came to a hurried stop outside the man's house. A group of men descended the car and gathered outside the kitchen window to look up at X430's ship. A small radio crackled and a man from the car raised it to his face.
"A Radio!!! Such primitive technology!" thought X430. They phased out radios and upgraded to Dradios a few millenia ago in NB6541165. X430 tuned in his high-powered Dradio receptors to catch what the man was saying.
A voice on the radio said, "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
The man with the radio said, "Yes, it's the moon! Over."
The men who came in the car went away making strange loud noises with their mouths wide open. The Man of the house scratched his head and went inside muttering something in a low voice. The ligts went off in the house and everything was quiet again.
X430 sat in disappointment. His dream of several centuries came to a crash and there was nothing to do anymore. But he wasn't that sad either, since the biggest brunt of the entire episode will have to be borne by the President AV786N. He raised the levers and began flying his ship away from the Earth.
A few thousand miles later, X 430 looked back and sighed. He switched on the inter-galactic Dradio and asked for AV786N.
'He is Right Here!' said the voice on the Dradio.
'I landed on it and now I'm back'
'What happened? What did you see?? Tell us all! You are on broadcast in the entire Universe now!" screamd AV786N
X430 hesitated. And then said, 'There was nothing of importance there.'
A shocked silence followed. The Universe was reeling under the shock and everyone was speechless for a moment. The biggest moment in the history of Universe, the discovery of the promised land, turned into the biggest disappointment of all time. AV786N did not lose hope and tried to salvage the situation. "But did you see any intelligent life on the planet?"
X430 thought for a moment. He tried to remember everything that happened including what the man with the radio said.
He replied confidently this time, "No!"
A report in 'The Sun', UK on 4th July 2008Man mistakes moon for UFO: A British man called up the cops after thinking he had spotted a UFO. As it turned out, the huge, round white thing in the sky was not a flying saucer—but the moon! A patrol car was immediately sent to the spot from where the man called the police. The caller reported seeing a large bright object in the sky above his home and mistook it for a flying saucer

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