Sunday, July 01, 2007

The ultimate Outsourcing model!

This is a path-breaking outsourcing model. This will revolutionalise some people's way of looking at life and establish sustainable business models that replicate real lives and maintain the flexibility of everyone's dreams!

Unbelievable? Sounds like an Asian Sky shop Ad or something? Nothing of that sort!

Read on, you'll agree with me.

I've been developing this concept for some time now. Researched a bit, took feedback from folks and generally been giving teasers to people. Not a single soul objected to the thought. Everybody saw the merit at the first go.

This one talks about outsourcing 'married life'. A very novel idea, yet something that we have been seeing around the society for a long time.

First, let me list out the major activities in a marriage (of an average middle class god-fearing citizen whose marriage gets 'arranged'):
1. Companionship (usually comes in the later part of marriage, at about the life stage of middle age. Before that it is a slowly advancing flirting relationship)
2. Societal/Familial obligations and relationships (festivals, attending marriages, garbha, picnics)
3. Kids, their upbringing, schooling etc : a whole chapter on its own
4. Sex - free, regular and healthy (regular only in beginning and free of only direct costs)
5. Fights with your spouse
6. Food at home daily, cooked by either spouse depending on who calls the shots.
and lastly, but not the least
7. "Love"

Only with all these things together and in the right doses, one can claim a full and satisfied married life. Agreed? There are several other small things ofcourse, but we'll stick to the major ones only for our model. When I come up with my company, I'll cover for the smaller ones too.

If we sit down and analyse, we can come up with outsourcing solutions for all of the above and everything else, rendering marriage replaceable in society completely. How?

I have certain no brainer ideas like:

Current Activity in Marriage
1. Food
2. Sex
3. Kids

Outsourcing Solution
1. Hotels, Cooks at home
2. Paid sex, abstienence, masturbation
3. Adoption. Everyone in Hollywood + Anjelina Jolie does it

And I have slightly complex solutions like:

Current Activity in Marriage
1. Society, Family life
Outsourcing Solution
a. Customers forming fun groups within themselves. Happens naturally
b. Short period Live-ins: whenever you feel you want someone to go around for lunches with relatives or only during festival season etc
c. 'Living in' only during day time: Spend time with your outsourced spouse for 1 hr before and 1 1/2 hr after office + two phone calls while in office. and 3 full weekends in a month, fourth is off for the weekend trip you wanted to take with your friends (you don't need society or family when you are asleep - you save some costs on outsourcing)

The below ones are Path-Breaking outsourcing solutions and ideas (and soon to be patented)

Current Activity in Marriage
1. Companionship
2. Fights

Outsourcing Solution:
a. Best friends, we help you maintain contacts and keep in touch. Arrange reunions and make sure you enjoy your friend's company
b. Trained 'companions' who stay with you as long as you want. If you change the companion, the previous one would pass on the full list of 'memories' to the successor
c. Based on the profiling reports on you, we can schedule fights over phone, physical and 'leaving home' experiences.

One can see how there is a solution for everything. But what of balance? Teamleaders on the floor monitor your 'outsourced married life' actively and whenever there is an overdose in one aspect, they reduce the supply and introduce new ones immediately. Theirs should be a Six Sigma process, if my plans go well.

I found solutions for almost everything. Well, almost.

However, I got stuck on the aspect 'LOVE'. Pretty tricky thing, since there are a lot of views on this one. One can't just create 'love' or pretend there is 'love'. It has to be 'felt', I'm told. I never believed in Love, since it isn't above the level of basic human emotions and not the 'decided by God himself' phenomenon.

I thought, enquired, searched, advertised and prayed. Yet, there was no solution in sight for outsourcing Love.

And then, the miracle happened! On a friend's advice to see a milestone event with my own eyes, I went to see the ultimate Karan Johar movie - KANK.

I felt betrayed by the friend, ofcourse, but the movie gave me a solution to my problem. It was so simple, yet I missed it completely until then. May be because I don't see Karan Johar's works including the Koffee blabber-show.

But I realised that though rational thought dismisses the notion of 'Love' existing, one thing kept it alive and running. Bollywood chiefly, followed by regional language movies. But love mostly is nothing but 2-3 songs and some lines with double meanings in most movies.

However, when people feel that 'pure love' emerges out of scenes where Shahrukh khan feels jealous that someone else's wife is caressed by her own husband and gets revenge the next day by screwing her in a cheap motel, that is when I realised 'pure love' exists only in Karan Johar movies. Not even in real marriages.

And there you are! My model is evenly balanced with all those great outsourcing ideas to help people, evenly balanced with emotions, real people, rest and lower cost in the long run - and the biggest benefit is complimentary from my side: 1 Karan Johar Movie per quarter to give you ample doses of 'pure love'.

Why, you won't find any marriage more perfect than this!

(recovered with 1st Jul 07 date stamp)

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